Hello friends! I've returned from my eight days in New York City and I'm a little ashamed to admit it, but the first thing I did when I get home was start watching last week's episode of "The Bachelor."
When will hotel's get DVR so we don't have to miss our favorite shows while we travel? Wouldn't that be revolutionary?
Since I missed last week, tonight you get a double dose of judgements on Ken doll Sean and his eager gaggle of geese. Off to the mansion we go!
Of course we begin by watching Sean lifts weights with his shirt off. And then take a shower.
Sarah gets the first date. A helicopter comes to pick her up, which is so cliche "The Bachelor."
Their date turns out to be free falling 300 feet on the face of a sky scraper. This is why I would never be on this show. No way in hell.
Sarah screams bloddy murder all the way down. I am pretty sure the sound editors had to scale that back in post-production.
Over drinks Sarah tells Sean a story about she couldn't go zip lining in Las Vegas because she only has one arm. He handled it perfectly.
To close out the date, Sean gives Sarah a rose. After a full two minutes of hugging, Sarah steps onto her tip toes to get the first kiss.
Sarah says into the camera that she feels like she's falling in love with Sean. It's a smidge early, Dearie.
The ladies on this date are: Kristy, Amanda, Brooke, Lesley M, Daniella, Catherine, Robyn, Katie, Selma, Diana, Taryn, Tierra and Kacie B.
For their activity they are shooting covers for Harlequin romance novels. The winner will have their photographs on three real book covers.
Katie the yoga instructor comments on the fact that some of the girls are models, "Did you see Kristy's reaction? Home girl is a little excited to do a photo shoot." Ha! Love her.
Sean says to Tierra during the shoot, "You may have a dark side. You may have a catty side." Foreshadowing much?
Lesley M. takes every opportunity to undress Sean while they shoot. The photog says, "Give him a little kiss on the lips." Then the other girls go ballistic.
Kristy heats it up during her shoot and wins it all. I was secretly hoping after all her smack talk that she would suck, but alas. Selma says into the camera, "Gurrrrrrrl, you can have the cover. I want the man."
Sean and Lesley M. have alone time and he wants to kiss her, but she keeps talking about stupid things like the furniture and the weather. Sad. Opportunity wasted.
Ooooo, crafty. Lesley finds Sean again to get the kiss she missed. Redeemed!
Sean tells Kacie B. that he thinks of her as a friend and now he has to work to transition her to the romantic category. I was afraid he was about to send her home, but it seems like he wants to give her a shot. In her confessional she says, "I thought I never wanted another rose in my life and now I'm hoping for ten more (evil cackle)." Oh boy.
New drinking game! Every time someone says the word "genuine" take a drink. Bottoms up!
Sean has one on one time with Tierra and there is always one girl who has to be hand held about competing with the other girls and she's it. Each year, whoever the girl is, the Bachelor has to convince her not to leave. It's exhausting to watch.
Katie the yoga instructor tells Sean she feels like she needs to go home. He says, "Well, alright. Let me walk you out then." He didn't even fight her!
Kacie B. gets the rose on the group date for "going through this process twice." You could see the hatred in all the other girls' eyes. It's not like they had the chance to do this twice.
I loved Desiree (the wedding dress designer) on night one. I was happy he chose her.
On the date Sean is doing his own version of MTV's "Punk'd." As he watches Desiree with his bro Chris Harrison he says, "She is so sweet. I am a bad person."
Post-prank, Sean takes her back to his place to cook dinner. Turns out their parents are the same people and they want the exact same thing.
Cut to Desiree in a teeny tiny purple bikini and Sean is in the most all American bathingsuit money can buy. Post-rose, they have a full on pool make out.
Sean's first chit chat is with Lindsay, the drunk girl who wore a wedding dress the first night. She talks about being an army brat and about her parents' relationship. It's a surprisingly cute interaction.
Next Sean talks to Robyn who says, "I have been noticing that the show is getting more diverse, but I am interested to see if you're really attracted." Sean answers confidently, "This is the best question I've gotten all night. People look at me and they think, he probably goes for white girls who are blond. I want someone who is sweet, intelligent, funny and likes to have a good time. I've dated everybody - Hispanic, Persian, African American." I have to admit, I was impressed by how he handled the question.
To close out the party, Sean sits with Selma who teaches him how to say in Arabic, "You are beautiful."
Sarah, Kacie B. and Desiree all have roses already. The roses go to, in this order:
AshLee - Who is this girl? I don't even remember her!
Jackie - A belated birthday gift.
Selma - If only he had said the Arabic phrase when he hugged her.
Amanda - Well, the girls are going to be thrilled about this.
That means Diana and Brooke get the boot.
And just like that, we're onto the next episode!
The episode begins with Chris Harrison welcoming the ladies to another week. Selma reads the date card which is for Lesley M.
Lesley M.'s Date:
I love Lesley's pink lace dress with the cut out in the back. Where is that from? I want it!
They head to the Guinness World Record Museum and we learn that Sean's dad set a Guinness World record for driving the contiguous United States in the shortest amount of time. Sean then tell Lesley he wants them to break a record of their own - for the world's longest on screen kiss!
Poof! There is Chris Harrison. The record is three minutes and fifteen seconds. While they are kissing Lesley is shaking or maybe laughing - it's unclear. I love that Lesley fist pumps every time they pass another full 60 seconds.
They break the record! Barbie and Ken have a new framed plaque for their Dream House.
Phase two of the date is sitting on the roof of the Roosevelt Hotel. Lesley admits that Sean makes her nervous, which is probably why she keeps talking and he can't find a way to stop her and kiss her, though you can see him trying.
Sean gives Lesley the rose. Cue the confetti falling from the sky! If you thought Sean and Lesley could reach a point where they no longer want to kiss, you'd be wrong.
The ladies on this date are: Kacie B, Robyn, Leslie H, Kristy, Catherine, Desiree, Taryn, Amanda, Lindsay, Daniella, Jackie and Tierra.
The girls are at the beach with Sean playing games. The girls insist Sean take his shirt off. Duh.
Chris is back and he announces there will be a beach volleyball match. Only the winning team gets to enjoy the rest of the date.
Does ABC think men watch this show? I don't need to see ten minutes of women playing beach volleyball in tiny bikinis.
The blue team wins. Kristy (on the losing team) starts crying over the loss.
When the winners have their phase two of the date Sean has a great one on one with Lindsay and they have their first kiss!
Later Kacie B. tries to stir up trouble by talking crap about Desiree and Amanda. Sean calls her on it, "Why are you saying something to me? They both seem fine. Neither one of them has said anything to me about it."
In all these years of watching "The Bachelor" there is one thing I have learned, focus only on you and the Bachelor/Bachelorette. Do not bring anyone else up during your alone time. Ever. It's basically an express ticket home.
Proving me right, Sean says, "I want you to act like Kacie. Not like this crazy person I'm seeing."
The rose on the group date goes to Lindsay. Talk about redemption! From drunken wedding dress to queen of the hive.
Right before the next date, Tierra falls down the stairs. Sean comes into the house, starts asking her questions and she's not responsive. He says, "As a guy who has had many concussions, I think she may have one." Oh Sean, you're so manly.
Tierra keeps saying to the EMTs, "I don't want to do this. I don't want to go." Was it just me or was that super unflattering?
Now I remember who AshLee is! The personal organizer who turned that closet into a beautiful rainbow of fabrics.
For their date, Sean and AshLee have Six Flags all to themselves. Well, almost.
They are bringing together two young girls who have never had the chance to meet before. They also receive a private performance by the Eli Young Band (who I had never heard of).
At the end of the date, AshLee and Sean are finally alone. She tells Sean about her adoption and how she was abused in a foster home. AshLee also shares her the story of the day she met her dad. Sean gets tears in his eyes as she retells the story. He's like, legit choked up.
Then the band starts up again and they dance in their own tiny corner of the world. Kiss!
I love Sarah's hot pink dress! Sean takes her outside, a car pulls up and Sarah asks, "Are you sending me home?" Sean opens the car door and out comes her dog Leo. How sweet is that?
In their one on one time, Tierra plays the "I hate competing" card again. Enough already!
Then Desiree steals Sean from Tierra. Ironic that she's wearing white and Tierra is wearing black.
What is Kacie B. wearing? Is that LuLu Lemon? Even her scrunchie matches the crazy stretchy neon. Sean admits to Kacie that they "took a couple steps backward" when she talked smack about the other girls.
Lindsay, AshLee and Lesley M. already have roses. Sean is about to start giving out the rest when he asks Kacie B. to come outside with him. He tells her he thinks they are better off as friends. Kacie is 0-2 with "The Bachelor" franchise. Perhaps she'll make an appearance on "Bachelor Pad" this summer.
Ok, back to the rose ceremony. In this order, the stems went to:
Leslie H. - I think she's had two minutes of screen time all season.
Desiree - He calls her name as Dez. I'm sure all the other girls loved that.
Adios Taryn and Kristy.
In previews for next week, Leslie H. and Selma get the one on one date. During the cocktail party Robyn has her legs across Sean on the couch and asks him, "Do you want to taste the chocolate?" Oooooo. The group date is going to be roller derby. Shoot me now. It also looks like the back hour of the episode is going to be the Tierra Show. I can't even wait.
*Images courtesy of The Bachelor.