The 2013 Golden Globe Awards: Rants And Raves

Last night's Golden Globe Awards officially kicked off the 2013 awards season. The Globes are one of my favorite shows because you get to see your favorite television stars and your favorite film actors together in one place. Plus the show is live and they let them drink, so toward the end of the night the speeches just seem to get better and better.

I invited my best girls over for a viewing party and we kicked things off at 7:00pm with some red carpet judging.

The Red Carpet 

The first person to come on screen was Bradley Cooper. I love him, but the long hair is just not working. Buzz cut, please!

Then came Nicole Kidman, as tall and leggy as ever, in the most fantastic Alexander McQueen number. I love the black, the studded neckline and the dramatic waist.

Jimmy Fallon sauntered up next and when Matt Laurer asked him what it's like to be in a room with all these stars he said, "I just look around the red carpet and the room inside and think - why haven't these people been on my show? Jamie Foxx? Come on my show!" Oh, Jimmy.

Somehow Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were let out of rehearsals to walk the carpet! Hurrah! This is absolutely they best either of them has ever looked.

Tina looked younger and I was digging the longer hair.

Amy is single again and is definitely marketing herself that way with this va va voom suit and heels!

Though I wasn't loving the fabric draped over the boobs, in general I really did love Jennifer Lawrence's red, belted Dior Haute Couture gown. I loved her in "Silver Linings Playbook" and I am so happy she gets to do this victory lap.

Anne Hathaway is the thinnest she has ever been and she decided to wear a dress that was baggy in the stomach? I do not understand. If I were her I would be wearing the most format fitting dress I could find. Her stylist is Rachel Zoe and I am surprised they picked such a miss.

Ah! Adele! I was not expecting to see her at the Globes. She has been a total recluse since her son was born (whose name she still hasn't released). She always wears black and this dress is Burberry.

Jessica Chastain chose an ice blue Calvin Klein dress. The color looks gorgeous against her pale skin, red hair and red lipstick, but I actually didn't like the cut or the draping of the dress. I did love her 40s style pin up waves.

Sofia Vergara strutted up next and spent her two minutes on camera talking about her Facebook updating and sharing Intsagram photos on behalf of the network. I thought that was strange and almost as annoying as her Pepsi commercial that ran legitimately 100 times during the broadcast.

There was definitely a nude theme going on as Isla Fisher, Kaley Cuoco and Jennifer Lopez all sported flesh tones.

I loved Hayden Panetierre's white fish tail dress. She seemed genuinely happy to be there.

I am not sure how I feel about Lucy Liu's Carolina Herrara gown. I think the size of the skirt is magnificent, but does the pattern look like your grandma's couch?

Salma Hayek blew all of us away. One of the girls on my couch said, "Salma, how do you do it? How do you carry those boobies with that waist? You're my hero."

On To The Show!

Tina and Amy took the stage and Tina was wearing a gorgeous, form fitting, teal sequin gown. Wow, two for two, Tina!

Their opening monologue was hilarious! Some of my favorite gems:

  • Amy, "And Kathryn Bigelow is here. I haven't seen 'Zero Dark Thirty' but when it comes to torture, I trust the lady who spent three years married to James Cameron." 
  • Tina, "Ben Affleck's first two movies were filmed in Boston. He moved this film to Iran because he wanted to shoot in a place more welcoming to outsiders." 
  • Tina, "Anne Hathaway, you gave a stunning performance in 'Les Miserables.' I have not seen someone so totally alone and abandoned like that since you were on stage with James Franco at the Oscars." 
Zing! there were so many more, but those were some of my faves. 
The first award went to Christoph Waltz for "Django Unchained," his second major award for a Tarentino film. 

Best supporting actress in a TV drama went to Maggie Smith of "Downton Abbey," who beat the likes of Archie Punjabi of "The Good Wife," Hayden Panetierre of "Nashville" and Sofia Vergara of "Modern Family."

Next we met this year's Mr. and Mrs. Golden Globe - Francesca Eastwood and Sam Fox. Sam Fox looks just like his dad Michael did when he played Alex P. Keaton. Cute!

"Game Change" won for best mini series and right after Julianne Moore won for her role as Sarah Palin in that mini series. I still need to see that!

Then Damian Lewis took best actor in a TV drama for "Homeland" and minutes later the show won for best TV drama. In the next hour Lea Michele and her horrible spray tan went on to announce Claire Danes as the winner of best actress for "Homeland" as well.

Then the real life Ben Affleck from "Argo," Tony Mendez, came out to introduce the film, but he wasn't standing close enough to the microphone and no one could hear him! Sad.

My girl Adele was nominated in the Best original song category for "Skyfall" and she won! She was in total shock. She came on stage and shouted, "Oh my god! Honestly I've come for a night out. I've come with my friend, we're both new mums. We've literally come for a night out. I was not expecting this. Thank you for letting me be part of this night. We've been pissing ourselves over there." I love her!

Kevin Costner then won for "Hatfields & McCoys" and gave a terrible speech that was seemingly about the start of his career but took a weird turn and totally lost us.

Then former president Bill Clinton took the stage and the entire room go up on their feet and started loudly applauding and hollering. Steven Spielberg saluted him! He was on stage to introduce the video package for "Lincoln." Perfect.

Next was the most hysterical pair of presenters of the whole night, Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell. They pretended to have watched each of the nominated performances and were reenacting their favorite scenes and lines, which all turned out to be exactly the same. At one point the camera cut to Tommy Lee Jones who was not laughing and completely stone faced. That was almost as funny as the bit.

After their shenanigans they announced Jennifer Lawrence as the winner for "Silver Linings Playbook." Taylor Swift gave her a standing ovation (they both worked on "The Hunger Games"). She took the stage and quipped, "What does this say? I beat Meryl!" Odd thing to say, Jennifer. No one talks shit about Meryl.

John Krasinski and Kristen Bell took the stage, making such an adorable pair. I absolutely love Kristen's maternity dress! They announced Ed Harris as the winner for his role in "Game Change," but he wasn't there to accept.

Then the moment we all knew was coming, Anne Hathaway's win for "Les Miserables." The best part of her speech was when she thanked Sally Field for showing her that no matter how goofy your first big role is (Flying nun or Princess of Genovia) you can still transform into a great, respected actress. It was very sweet actually. Almost as sweet as when the camera cut to Eddie Redmayne during her speech.

Rob Pattinson and Amanda Seyfried presented Quentin Tarentino with the award for Best screenplay for "Django Unchained." I always think of him as a director, not a writer.

Arnold Schwartzenagger and Sylvester Stallone presented the nominees for Best foreign language film. The prize went to "Amour" of Austria which is also nominated for several Oscars. I must see this!

Sasha Baron Cohen takes the stage, drink in hand, and I think all of America began to hold their breath. He did make one particularly biting comment saying, "Russell Crowe had six weeks of singing lessons for his role in Les Mis. Well, that was money well spent." Ouch.

Jason Bateman and Aziz Ansari took the stage and did a great bit where Aziz pretended to be stoned. They were presenting the category in which both Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were nominated. When the camera cut to Tina she was cuddling with J.Lo and when it cut to Amy she was drinking champagne with George Clooney. Well played, ladies!

Neither Tina nor Amy won, the statue went to Lena Dunham for "Girls." Lena gave a surprisingly lame speech in which she read directly from a piece of paper. Why couldn't she be funny? And more importantly, why couldn't she walk?

Tina and Amy returned to the stage and said, "Congrats, Lena. Glad we got you through middle school." Tina followed that up with, "You know what Taylor Swift, you stay away from Michael J. Fox's son." Oy!

Then it was time for the Cecile B. DeMille Award. This year's recipient was Jodie Foster and Robert Downey Jr. took the stage to make the introduction. I didn't even know they were friends! After the impressive video package with her body of work, Jodie took the stage and gave the strangest speech. It was one part coming out, one part retirement speech and one part a declaration to her mother. It was unclear if this message to her mother was because her mother is not in good health or because her mother does not accept her. The camera was panning around the room and everyone was crying - Anne Hathaway, Kate Hudson, Emily Deschannel - I felt like I was missing something. My entire Facebook newsfeed started to blow up with people speculating the underlying meaning of her words.

Post-Jodie, came the award for Best director which went to Ben Affleck for "Argo." All the girls in my living room jumped up and down with excitement. The whole room in L.A. leapt to their feet and began clapping. Since Ben was snubbed for the Best director category at the Oscars this year, this is a huge deal. When he got to the stage he spoke so quickly. He was clearly shocked. His thank you to his kids and to his wife, Jennifer Garner, was beyond sweet. I just love him!

Speaking of Jennifer Garner, she looked gorgeous in red!

Lena Dunham and the cast of "Girls" got to take the stage a second time when they won Best comedy series and again, a terrible speech. Lena, you are hilarious, just wing it!

Next Hugh Jackman beat Bradley Cooper in the Best actor category. I know Hugh's performance in "Les Miserables" was incredible, but I thought Bradley Cooper was insanely great in "Silver Linings Playbook." Hugh did give beautiful words of thanks to his wife, though.

Next the entire "Les Miserables" cast got to take the stage when they won Best picture - comedy or musical. Tom Hooper did not score a Best director nomination at the Oscars this year, so I'm happy he can relish in this.

George Clooney took the stage to present Best actress to Jessica Chastain for "Zero Dark Thirty." Her speech was humble and grateful and you could really tell how much this means to her. George then presented the Best actor statue to Daniel Day-Lewis for "Lincoln." No surprise there.

The final award was for Best picture and Julia Roberts was the presenter. She looked stunning! The prize went to "Argo" and again the room exploded. I couldn't be happier for Ben Affleck and the entire cast and crew of that movie. Take that Spielberg!

Amy and Tina closed the night was the perfect line, "We're going home with Jodie Foster!"

Overall, I thought the show was great. Amy and Tina were terrific hosts, particularly their opening monologue. There were a lot of upsets and unexpected wins, which always makes it more fun. I did find myself flabbergasted that there were so many nominations for "Salmon Fishing in the Yemen" which was one of the worst movies I saw last year. I love you Emily Blunt, but no.

What did you think? Who brought their A game on the red carpet and who deserved to take home the gold?

*Images courtesy of Just Jared and Fab Sugar

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Molly Galler

Welcome to Pop.Bop.Shop. My name is Molly. I’m a foodie, fashionista, pop culture addict and serious travel junkie. I’m a lifelong Bostonian obsessed with frozen confections, outdoor patios, Mindy Kaling, reality television, awards shows, tropical vacations, snail mail and my birthday.

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